The mind is one crazy thing.

I feel like a bad boyfriend. What the fuck haha. 

Can I ask the 5 girls that follow this something? If you’re mad at your boyfriend and you say something, is it usually the truth? Or at least some variant of the truth?

 


I’m bad at this “don’t overthink shit” idea. What the fuck. I’m leaving that strikethrough’d so I can realize how much of a dumbass I was haha.

I can’t be the only guy who gets pissed off when his girlfriend doesn’t reply “I love you” back, right? I know sometimes she gets “lazy”, but dammit it still hurts when I say/type it and she doesn’t say/type it back. Especially if she hasn’t spoken to me in a while. (A while meaning like a day, but you get my point.)

It’s really lame of me, I know. 

I mean, she does say it back. Say, as in speaking. Not typing though. It annoys me when it’s over text/internet and she doesn’t type it back. =/

The stupidest and most smug thing I think that someone can say is “… well I think ____ should be everyday!”

What I mean is when people talk about holidays and say that we should celebrate them everyday instead of one day. Well, NO SHIT! I never understand WHY THE HELL people have to say this haha. Yes, we should give thanks every day. Yes, we should appreciate our parents every day. Yes, we should take care of our earth every day. It’s the fact that we choose one day to celebrate that specific ideal. Granted, there are actually a few holidays that were created to “generate money” (I think it was Father’s Day?), but my point still stands. We celebrate those ideals on a specific day to remind us and be honest with yourself, there are days where you don’t keep up those ideals.

It’s fucking common sense that we should always celebrate those ideas. Don’t be fucking smug and say “we should do it everyday!” when you know that you wouldn’t celebrate it everyday anyway.

A couple of days ago, Jenna and I were hanging out in her car because we had time to kill before she went to class. We somehow got onto the topic of kissing and we both have no clue if we’re good kissers or not lol. I mean, how would we know if we only made out with one person? Hahaha.

Well, she said something that made me happy for some reason. It happened after we laughed off at the fact that we don’t know if we’re good kissers or not. She said “I guess we’ll never find out.”

I hope that we never find out as well.

So I was at Barnes today with a friend of mine, Jenna, and by extension, Marcus, and we(not including Marcus because he didn’t sit with us) started talking about fighting in a relationship. Not really anything bad, but my friend brought up the fact that he had an argument with his girlfriend today and that in the end, it’s only going to help the relationship grow. 

He asks me and Jenna if we fight a lot, and that if not, we should(in a kind of half-serious, half-not serious way). I mean, we really don’t fight haha. I can count on my fingers with how many times we’ve argued, so that must mean something considering we’ve been going out for almost 6 years. 

Anyway, I don’t think that fighting is essential in a relationship. It does help, especially if you two manage to actually listen and understand each other instead of blaming one or the other, so you’ll find an appreciation for each other instead of a reason to not like the other person. 

Our relationship has always been strong, and we’ve only fought when it was something serious, so of course it’s going to make us stronger. But with our arguments only happening <10 times, you have to admit that our relationship is strong because we don’t fight a lot. 

Idk, I’m only bringing this up because my friend tries to generalize about relationships in general(he’s been going out with his girlfriend for almost 5 years), but you seriously cannot generalize the relationship I have with Jenna hahaha. It’s not the kind of shit you can learn by watching TV and looking for cliches. 

Well, I haven’t updated here inna while. It’s not like anyone reads this anyway hahaha. I only have 7 followers on here.

Somethings wrong with me. I know there’s something wrong with me. Bleh. I can’t even explain what it is haha. I need someone to talk to. Maybe I’ll hit up Christian later this week. Or not. I have tests to study for. I’ll see what happens lol.

OH, and just for completions sake, yes, I did get into a university. I’m going to Sac State in the Fall! Heyooo!

My girlfriend has been great with supporting me with what’s been happening. I’m really sad that I didn’t get into SJSU because if she does decide to go there, then I can’t even go into the same school as her, which is what I really wanted haha. 

I seriously hope I get into a University. 

It kind of sucks when you try your hardest and it doesn’t amount to anything.


You know I’ve never gotten an acceptance letter? I’ve never had that feeling of accomplishment. It really sucks. I’m thinking that this is a sign that I’m not fit for university haha. I mean, I’ll get an Associates Degree this semester, but that’s it. I just want a damn Bachelors Degree. Is that hard to ask?


I know that I’m better off in the world already because I have this opportunity to go to college, but it just sucks. I feel like I can be more. Maybe not completing college and being successful will be a task that I can accomplish. Who knows. Maybe I’ll just take that extra year at Solano and change majors. Become a Math major or maybe Business haha. Maybe my credits will transfer over to that as well. 
Blehhhh. I cannot sleep. I might just stay up all day.

So… college. I’m in college, but I’m not a university. I’ve heard hella different stuff growing up and even now. Let’s post ‘em up:

  • It’s where you learn how to do what you want to do for the rest of your life.
  • It’s where you learn about yourself.
  • It’s where you do everything you want to because you won’t be able to when you’re older.
  • It’s where you experiment with hella different shit because it’s college.
  • It’s where you date around because you haven’t found your true love yet.

Lemme give my point of view for each of these hahaha.

I think that you’re able to learn anything on your own if you have the focus to do so. I like it when someone talks about the subject I want to learn about because it gives me structure. It makes learning easier. I just find it hella dumb that we have to pay a lot for going to school to learn. I’d happily pay for the teachers salary, but education shouldn’t be a privilege. At least that’s what I think.

I think I’m pretty sure I know what kind of person I am. I’m mostly introverted, but  I don’t mind going out with friends or meeting new people. I know the stuff I like and enjoy.

This is something I don’t agree with. I’m pretty sure when I’m done with college (hopefully within the next 2 - 3 years) I’m going to have time to do stuff I want to. I don’t know if I’ll get a job right out of school, but I know that I’ll have time to do stuff. My brother is 30 years old and was in the Navy when he was 18. He does so much stuff or has so much stuff even when he was in the Navy. And I don’t mean when he was deployed overseas, I mean when he was home here. I’m pretty sure that I’ll have the time to do stuff as well. 

By hella different shit, I mean drugs hahaha. I don’t really drink and when I do, it’s moderated and I don’t do any stupid shit. I don’t smoke anything. Smoke really bothers me, regardless of the substance. And I don’t ever plan doing any psychedelic drugs just because I like having my body “clean” in a sense hahah.

This is something I don’t really agree with. Growing up I’ve always thought relationships were supposed to be serious. I can understand why people date around and want to see who they’ll meet in their lives, but that’s not me. I can only date someone who I can see a future with and someone who I’m really compatible. I can’t have sex with someone I don’t love. To me, sex is as much as a personal connection with someone, as much as it is a physical exercise. No matter how much fun it can be, I have to do it with someone I love. And honestly, I think I found someone I can spend the rest of my life with. Yeah, we started dating when we were 14, but we’ve been together for 5 and a half a years. That’s longer than most people date/are together even in their 20s. 

I’ve changed the way I approach my relationship. At least, I believe so. Back when Jenna and I first went out, I didn’t mind not talking for a couple days, but now, I necessarily not want to always be in contact, but I at least want to talk once a day. It’s hard though.

She’s changed with the way she wants to talk. She doesn’t like texting… Anymore? I don’t know if she liked it before, but she doesn’t like texting me at night if we can’t talk. She doesn’t like talking to me on the phone at night anymore because of one thing that happened a couple months ago. I haven’t done that thing since and she still doesn’t trust(I don’t want to say trust because that’s not the word I’m looking for) me that I’m not doing that thing. It’s not jacking off if you’re thinking that haha.

I just want to keep in touch with her a couple times throughout the day. We’ve become so busy with college and jobs that we don’t have too much time to hang out in person.

What I’m getting at is that she didn’t really text me at all today. She texted me around 1130 and I was asleep and she said that she had an amazing day today. Which is great! I’m glad she did, but idk, part of me wants to think that she had a great time and didn’t even think about me. Yeah, pretty damn lame, right? I texted her earlier and wasn’t expecting an answer right away, but she went the whole day without it. I’m just overthinking, but I need to splurge my thoughts.

Btw, she’s in Vegas right now, that’s why I’m kinda like wtf. I know she’s not doing anything with anyone, but the fact that I’m thinking that she’s not thinking about me sucks haha. I don’t expect her to think about me all the time. Not at all. But I would think that her being on a family trip would make her think about me just little bit more than usual.

It’s stuff like this that make me wonder about her. She’s not very open about her feelings and some of the times I have to talk them out of her. Alright, I’m done haha.

A curious thought…

I don’t think I’ve ever been complimented voluntarily by my girlfriend lol. Most of the time it’s because she says something that can be taken a different way and she, I guess, apologizes by complimenting me. I only bring this up because I was helping her carry hella stuff to class today (she had a potluck so she brought drinks and cups and I held her project and tripod for photography). And I guess one of her classmates came in and brought Krispy Kreme. I said “Damn, you brought Krispy Kreme? Ohhh man.” and I guess Jenna only heard Krispy Kreme and said to her classmate “Oh you brought that? You’re awesome!”

It really doesn’t bother me if it seems like it is by the context of this post haha. I’m just stating that I haven’t(or maybe haven’t remembered) her saying something like that to me. I’m not jealous or anything. Her friend was gay anyway hahaha. Just pondering on this thought. Good night everyone! Good luck on finals!

There’s something about…

having all of your professors tell you on the last day of class(not finals) that they really enjoyed having THAT specific class that you’re in. In all of my classes, my professors have said that we were either their favorite class, or just great to be with. I really felt accomplished and happy when they said that. I’ll break it down by class:

My English professor said that we were her favorite class because we were all so bright and just awesome to talk to. She’s so lovable and lenient and I really enjoyed that class.

My Music professor thought that we participated a lot for an 8 AM class. Definitely something that she doesn’t see a lot.

My PoliSci professor is a straight up boss. He really enjoyed teaching us and I can definitely see myself grabbing a drink with him and talking about stuff. He even said “No bullshit, you guys were an amazing class to work with and I had fun teaching you guys this semester.” 

My Chem professor just loves all of her classes and students because she’s like that. We’re more involved than her other class so she enjoyed having us.

And finally my Calc professor was the one who made me grin the most. He told us that he only gets to say that he enjoys teaching a class once every two to three years. He then said that we were that class. He’s one of the teachers (similar to my PoliSci teacher) that just want the kids to learn, not to go to school. So he said that was his reasoning for liking us was that we showed that we wanted to learn instead of just going to school.

Overall, this past semester was a fantastic one. I made a lot of great friends and had a lot of fun with these classes. I’ll definitely miss it.

I don’t get mad or sad when my girlfriend doesn’t say “I love you” back.

But when I say it multiple times over the day and she never says it back, I’m right in feeling a little pissed/sad, right? They were through texts, but still. I mean, she doesn’t say it sometimes, but damn, idk. -_- I always feel like I fucked up somehow or something.

I fucking love my girlfriend. (:

65 months. (: